Here’s a weather story even El Niño couldn’t create. 

It seems we have technological advances surfacing every day: self-roving vacuums, bra vending machines, self-driving (and crashing) cars, and so on. So why, I have to ask, did it take brilliant, enlightened humans all this time to invent an indoor tequila cloud. 

That’s right. You’d think it would have come along around about the time of the wheel. You can scoff at your own peril. But the thing has finally arrived. And thank goodness for it.

According to the Huffington Post, Mexico is doing something interesting for the first time in human history about the weather.  “The Mexico Tourism Board,” it reports, “teamed up with creative agency LAPIZ to create a cloud that produces raindrops of tequila, as a promotion to attract tourists from Germany.”  

For now, this cloud occurs only indoors. But knowing human ingenuity as I do, mimeograph one day …  3D printer the next. For now, all one needs is an upside-down umbrella or a sombrero and a funnel. Regrettably, your lime still has to be squeezed using your fingers (write to this newspaper for a free lime-squeezing manual). 

I don’t know what precipitation is like in Germany, but once the tequila cloud comes to the outdoors, chances are pretty good that Germans will look upon this as they did Gutenberg’s ingenious printing press, and have the entire family dragging out their medieval rain barrels again, gaily chanting: “Ich bin ein margarita.” 

The Mexican Tourism Board installed this boozy cloud at an art gallery in rain-drenched Berlin just four weeks ago. The device was synced with the local weather patterns in Berlin, so whenever it rained there, the “tequila cloud” would rain too. I don’t know if weather reports covered the indoor precipitation: “Storm system moving into Deiter’s Art Gallery late today. Expect up to two inches of rain and a yodeling free-for-all.” But weather report ratings will spike considerably, once the happy clouds start to materialize.

How does this invention actually work?  A team at LAPIZ used ultrasonic humidifiers to “vibrate” the tequila at a frequency that turns the alcohol into a visible mist, then droplets form and drinkers can hold out their shot glasses. The misting lasts for a while and can be repeated in successive gusts. (Several art gallery employers have already signed up for Spanish lessons, starting with, “Parece lluvia” (It looks like rain).

With the rainy season upon us, I insist that the Tourist Board do the right thing and leave the Germans to their beer, and get back here where they belong. I’ve already got my rain barrel out.

The rainbirds won’t be squealing, they’ll be humming “Somewhere over the Rainbow.” Because this is technology young people can get their fancies around. I’m talking specifically now to those thinking about taking drugs or acting lessons. Here’s something that really says, “The future has arrived!” 

I’m also asking our scientists to stop wasting time measuring exoplanets, figuring out Fermat’s Second Theorem of Portnoy’s First Theorem or why male pattern baldness comes in only one pattern. Instead, join up with a new industry that can change the history of climate. This is the biggest change in global precipitation since cats and dogs. With a little patience, I believe we could eventually refigure our atmosphere, everywhere, with tequila – and possibly a chaser.

But let’s start where the demand is greatest: in our bars and dance clubs – with clouds of whiskey and vodka, and a chorus of  “Singing in the Rain.”