Medical science is constantly working on diagnostics that are non-invasive. But no matter what they come up with, there is one examination that always and forever will remain invasive, my in-office prostate exam.
Anything that probes around down there through the back door is invasive. Even just suggesting such an examination is invasive. This article is invasive. This is why men talk only sports statistics when they get together, to avoid mentioning prostate exams.
So I could rush through this. Or explain Joe DiMaggio’s amazing streak of hitting safely in 56 straight games or Rocky Marciano’s undefeated career as a heavyweight fighter (yeah, they’re both Italian). But that’s all I ever heard about. Well, later, Joe Montana’s all-time high passer rating. Okay, I know ... I’m writing about prostate exams.
Regular prostate examinations are called by urologists “active surveillance,” meaning regular check-ups. See, for me, active surveillance means a street camera spying on convenience store break-ins. Personal examinations of one’s anatomy shouldn’t be described as active or even surveillance. It sounds like spy stuff, once into your body it is involved in a Russian “poison-his-underwear” plot.
The prostate is buried deep within a man’s body, the most concealed organ he has, and it’s carefully packaged in a gigantic blister pack. Which makes it even harder to actively surveil without invasion.