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Last updateFri, 19 Oct 2018 7am

Take two aspirins...

People at Lakeside are always talking about their physical complaints. But sometimes, if you hear somebody talking about soft tissue manipulation, lumbo-sacral massage, belly lifts, hormone therapy ... they’re just talking dirty.

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Sometimes, it’s hard to figure out. Because medical science keeps finding new diseases. And the symptoms of these new diseases are all the same. Remember the common cold? Well, it’s not common anymore. It may not even be a cold. It could now be so many other things: the flu, rhinitis, asthma, bronchitis, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), pertussis, even roundworms. (Roundworms have the same symptoms as colds. Next time a cold hangs on, you might want to get to a vet).

In the magazines and on television, ads promoting the latest disease and its cure, always feature a grinning handsome model who’s taken the new drug and is obviously free of symptoms and he’s bicycling happily over an idyllic, suburban setting. What isn’t mentioned is the cost of these drugs and that the guy in the ad is riding a bicycle because he used to own a Mercedes.

Cost of meds today? 50-dollar pills that cure in three days – while test results show that placebos cure in four. Next time you get pneumonia, close your eyes and grab your Tic Tacs. Saves you 50 bucks.

What’s more, this new pill in the magazine ad reduces the risk of “stroke, aneurisms, acid reflux and swelling of the face and tumors of the elbow.”   Then the next page informs you that the side effects are “stroke, aneurisms, acid reflux, and swelling of the face and tumors of the elbow.”

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