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Earth is a nice place to visit, but aliens wouldn’t want to live here

Last week, the U.S. government had received over 350 new reports of what they called “unidentified aerial phenomenon,” UAPs or UFOs or OMGs, since March 2021—roughly half of which are so far unexplained, according to the director of National Intelligence.

The Pentagon office responsible for tracking and studying the sightings has identified 163 of the reports as “balloons or balloon-entities (??)”; another look identified a few others as “drones, birds, weather events or airborne plastic bags” (some with groceries still in them). And even these postulates they’re not sure of. That’s about half the reported sightings.

It is the other half of the 350 reports that defies explanation until some couple gets abducted by extraterrestrials and later wakes up three days later missing some of their clothes and explains that something really weird happened to them, and it wasn’t by a “balloon-entity.”

NASA is now quietly certain that there’s alien life all around us. But no one is telling us who to call should we ever run into any of these invaders. What does one say? “Hello, my car has just been magnetized 50 feet in the air, and a voice is telling me to count back from 100 for an examination.”

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