If there is one thing that unites many gringos at Lakeside, it is dog ownership. Even those without dogs seem to have a certain natural affection for our furry companions.

There are lots of homeless dogs and “loose-owned” dogs on the streets. There are no official statistics, but by most accounts, strays number in the millions in Jalisco, and a chance stroll through some neighborhoods at Lakeside could lead to a Pamplona-style running of the strays.

But dog adoptions are increasing. Says Syd Sullens of Lakeside’s The Ranch, a local adoption and rescue operation: “I can’t speak for all shelters here but the Ranch did have an increase in adoptions in 2016 versus our previous experience. In 2015 we had about 30 adoptions, and in 2016 it was over 90. It looks like we’re on track for about the same number of adoptions this year.”

But there’s still a refugee crisis of sorts. At Lakeside, gringos are encouraged for a number of good reasons – especially when we know having a pet helps you live longer – to adopt a dog. They quickly become your buddy and a member of the family.  However, please never ever adopt and then release the animal back into stray-dom once your Lakeside visits end. That’s like having a baby and leaving it at the gas station restroom because you decide to take a world cruise.

And to help adoptees cement adoption relationships, experts warn that humans and dogs need guidance in understanding one another. Nothing new here. If men and women don’t understand one another, how do we expect a Neapolitan Mastiff, for example, to figure out why he’s wearing dog booties? A dog, experts argue, is only capable of interpreting your behavior through canine eyes, using a primitive form of reasoning that doesn’t include passing up the fungus-fuzzy chicken bones in the gutter or restraining itself from barking to chase away the feather duster in the closet.

To that end, I’d like to make my own contribution that might help encourage adoptees.

In order to help gringos manage their new pets, remain good dog-owning neighbors, and help dogs understand the vaudeville of human activity, I discovered that experts offer the following practical relationship advice:

• Make sure your dog is neutered or spayed (which is done for most animals at the shelters here). Not only is this good for their health, but it will also reduce hormonal dominance levels, and your pet’s interest in porn.

• Play tug-of-war type games with your dog. But don’t let your dog win. When your dog wins, he thinks he is stronger than you; and alpha dogs will place themselves higher in the social hierarchy of the pack; you don’t want the animal organizing a household coup.

• Do not reward your dog if it hasn’t earned a reward. If your dog approaches you and demands to be petted, make it sit or fetch or roll over, or, if it’s one of the smarter breeds, help with your tax-filing, before a reward is given. (Warning: always double-check any dog’s math, no matter how smart he is.)

• Only issue commands you intend to enforce. In the pack, the alpha dog is never ignored. So, if you experience insubordination from Barney or Boomer or Daisy, your dog must be shown its proper place. Require it to scratch into the dirt “Cooperative behavior is key to pack survival” 50 times, or until it forgets what it’s doing.

• You must always be perceived as the leader. This means you need to be the first one to walk through doors, to eat, and to choose which movie you’ll be watching. Operate short “obedience” sessions throughout the day. If you don’t assert your superiority, your dog will continue to just climb all over you and lick your face any time it feels like.  In that case, I’m afraid you two may have to be chaperoned.

• Do not let your dog eat at the table with you, as in slipping him a morsel or two from the table. They will never let you be.  They may even dare to bark with their mouth full.

For any other problems, such as scratching furniture or snapping at other animals, talk to your vet. They have dog Prozac (seriously).  And it often helps calm dogs and might even prompt them into a mambo turn or two.