While Debi Buckland, a relatively new resident of lakeside, was busy settling into her recently purchased home with husband Bruce, she stumbled upon an article by Wendy Jane Carrel about the Death Café movement.
Carrel, a senior care specialist, palliative care advocate and end-of-life planner, is helping promote a worldwide movement where folks get together in casual and safe settings to talk about their thoughts on death and end-of-life issues.
With an Marriage and Famiily Therapy degree and a specialization in grief work in Atlanta, Georgia, Buckland promptly reached out to Carrel to volunteer her time to this phenomenal idea.
“As we were about to close on our new lakeside home last October and having just read Wendy’s post, I was intrigued, to say the least,” Buckland says. “Bruce and I had been at lakeside only six weeks, and I was already picturing myself involved with this group of like-minded people.”
In the February, 2018, article that Carrel posted on her Web site, she wrote about the successful turnout at their first Death Café, and that they would continue to host events twice a year – that is, unless they could round up some help from another health care provider. That’s when Buckland stepped up.
Says Carrel, “At our first Café, some guests approached us asking if we could replace the name Death Café with a gentler name. We went ahead and changed the name to Café Mortality Ajijic, a.k.a. Death Café Ajijic.”
After their next scheduled event on Tuesday, October 9, Café Mortality will continue meeting monthly, from January through April. The volunteers will then take a break and offer cafés when they are able, depending on who is available to host.
“We are an all-volunteer organization of five and each of us has over 20 years’ experience in some aspect of end-of-life work,” says Carrel. “One of our volunteers, Loretta Downs, has been active in the death and dying movement for over 30 years, both in Chicago and at lakeside.”
The first Café was created in Switzerland by sociologist Bernard Crettaz. A few years later, Jon Underwood, a U.S. citizen living in England, created the Death Café name and Web site (deathcafe.com). There are now Death Cafés in 52 countries, including some in various states of Mexico.
Says Buckland, “Seeing that lakeside’s average age is 60-plus, we‘ve all witnessed those living here who are making their transitions. This is all the more reason to address this much avoided subject within our community. Seeing that our August event had 23 people on the waiting list, there’s obviously a keen interest in this topic. I believe that as a society, we’ve finally been given permission to talk about the hard stuff.”
Café Mortality is part of what is referred to in the United States as the “death positive movement.” A group of Los Angeles millennials have become leaders in this program, conducting a natural burial business. Another movement that has gained momentum is The Conversation Project, an end-of-life discussion group started by Ellen Goodman, a Pulitzer Prize-winning investigative journalist and author.
“Café Mortality is a self-generated event,” says Carrel. “With no presentations, guests do all the work and bring to the tables their own thoughts, questions and concerns. This is a safe space for them to discern what’s going on within their own lives regarding end-of-life issues. Meanwhile, the volunteers remind everyone that the Café is not a therapy or grief counseling group. Also, being that this is a safe space, what guests hear should not be repeated outside the venue.”
Guests talk among themselves around tables of four to five people, while volunteers avoid offering guidance or prompts.
Says Carrel, “Guests may choose to talk or say nothing, but simply reflect on what they’re hearing, which may help them come to some kind of resolution about their own concerns. Many of the discussions seem to center around fear and loss.”
The owners of El Infierno Bar, a new karaoke bar in Ajijic, are generously opening their doors for Café Mortality to meet on their day off. Therefore, all proceeds collected will go directly to the business owners.
Says Buckland, “In the past several years, I’ve realized that my purpose is to give voice to people’s journeys and dying is just another part of their journey. Also, I like to focus on not just the person dying but those who are impacted by another’s journey into death.
“Sitting alongside a patient, or with someone who is coming to Café Mortality who is experiencing deep sadness or fear, I can be there to just listen. I like to refer to this process as tender-hearted guidance.”
Café Mortality meets on Tuesday, October 9, from 3-4:30 p.m. at El Infierno Bar, Hidalgo 17, Ajijic. Cost, 35 pesos, includes coffee or tea. Reservations are required. Email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..">This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..