“It seems to me that the rules and regulations for a same sex marriage are much like those for many other bureaucratic processes in Mexico. Just when we thought we knew the rules, they changed.”
Ron Piper rotated the coffee cup in his hands and added, “If others are planning to be married in Mexico, the best advice I can give them is to allow two or three times the amount of lead time they think they will need to allow for the red tape, extra surprise requirements and unexpected delays.”
When Frank Deloya Mendoza and Piper met online the very last thing either considered was that their friendship would develop to the point of marriage.
But as they compared lifestyles and interests they realized that they shared many common interests. Piper’s pre-retirement life involved corporate finance and acquisitions and a love of music, writing and theater including two books of poetry and two published plays.
Deloya’s primary interests were in the visual arts: drafting, graphic design and sculpture, and music. He was in the process of starting over in Mexico City (D.F. or Distrito Federal) after leaving his entire artistic portfolio when he made a hasty exit from a rocky relationship in Guatemala. A series of mis-starts in other fields and the troubled economy were plaguing him and, as he said, “I was perishing as an artist in the D.F.”
Neither was anxious to be in a serious relationship but as they talked Piper was able to help Deloya heal his recent painful memories and Deloya helped Piper finish grieving for his previous partner.
“He has been a counselor and he helped me exorcize that pain. I felt new again, and so does he,” Deloya said.
At first Piper was concerned that Deloya, Mexico City born and raised, would be uncomfortable in the tiny lakeside villages. But Deloya was enthralled with small-town ambiance: “I didn’t fit in the D.F. I was lonely in the crowds, even in the midst of my family. I preferred my art or listening to music at home to the hectic club scene.”
“He says he is a watcher of life rather than an active participant,” added Piper. “And that describes me, too. We much prefer cooking in, listening to music and talking to being in a crowd.”
Once they realized they were well matched, they were startled to find themselves discussing marriage. Growing up on opposite sides of the border, neither had expected that marriage with the same rights as those enjoyed by heterosexual couples would be an option.
In the spring of 2014 marriage for same sex couples was only available in the D.F. and the southern state of Quintana Roo. (A third area made same sex unions legal on September 2 when the congress of Coahuila voted 19-3 to change the law in that northern state.)
Piper researched online, made plans and a two-day hotel reservation, sure that was long enough to turn in the paperwork and see the judge in Mexico City. As time passed and the delays continued, they were thankful to be in the capital, where they could stay at the house of Deloya’s mother.
Piper hit a pitfall when he discovered that in addition to his U.S. passport and immigration paperwork, he needed a certified copy of his birth certificate, with an apostille – an additional certification by the state in which the birth occurred and the certificate was issued. (Mexico and the United States are both members of the 1954 Hague Agreement which allows member foreign governments to accept documents from other countries.)
Piper’s traumas with his birth certificate didn’t end with the receipt of the apostilled version. Next came the translation into Spanish. He decided to have it done in Chapala to save time. After paying 400 pesos for an official translation, he learned that to be accepted, the translation must be made by a company officially sanctioned by the Superior Court in the D.F. That detail ate up another 24 hours and cost another 500 pesos. Later he learned he could have sent the paperwork to the company in the capital he found at www.abarcatraductores.com and picked it up when he arrived.
While foreigners marrying Mexican nationals no longer need the permission of the government, blood tests, or chest x-rays, Piper was required to submit the original and two copies of his passport, immigration status, CURP, and the certified and translated birth certificate. Deloya prepared similar documents and a proof of address in Mexico City.
Once their paperwork was approved, Piper and Deloya next paid the licensing fees. They were not directed to a teller in the building or a nearby bank, but to a supermarket several blocks away, or if they preferred to a specific furniture store a bit farther down the street. They returned the grocery store receipt to the office and then were sent to get a certificate of no debts, which is one of the documents also required for a real estate closing.
When they returned on the second day to continue the process, they found a line of people wrapped three times around the room. The line ended at a teller’s window where they received a signed receipt and then were given the date to appear before the judge for the ceremony. That was on Tuesday.
The date selected for their wedding was a week from Thursday, for the fee of 980 pesos.
On the appointed Thursday, Piper and Deloya were pleasantly surprised by the demeanor of the official who conducted a legal but beautifully worded ceremony with the required interpreter and Deloy’s mother on hand.
“Because the rules no longer require witnesses, we hadn’t expected anyone to be with us. But this turned out well, in both cases,” said Piper. “We did spend a significant amount of time finding the interpreter. When we started calling the names on the list at www.iejdf.gob.mx, we discovered enormous variances in costs for the service, and attitude. Our translator was a delight.“
“Our other guest was my mother,” said Deloya. “We were staying at her house, so obviously she knew that we were in a relationship, but I didn’t mention that we were being married until the night before. Unlike my sister, who was shocked and very vocal when I told her our plans, my mother was calm and quiet. I didn’t know what she was thinking until we were ready to leave the next morning and found her at the foot of the stairs, in my least favorite of her dresses. When she asked if she could go with us, I said, ‘Of course, but not in that dress.’”
“Here’s another bit of news to those who might be planning a wonderful honeymoon,” added Piper. “The very last, unexpected delay came when the ceremony was finished. We were given a copy of the acta and told to return (in person) in ten days to pick up the official registered certificate of our marriage. Now that it’s all over and happily done, I laugh every time I think of that two-day hotel reservation. How optimistic and unrealistic was I?”